Hurt

A sudden hit stopping me in my tracks
Shocked and not knowing what happened
Holding my face with excruciating pain
Blood gushing and drenching my shirt

Dizziness engulfing my head
Tears creating all the more blurry vision
Unable to see my way back home
Calling out for someone to help me

She yells for me to get to the house
Tells me to stop crying like a baby
The pain and the bleeding wouldn’t stop
I just wanted her to hold me and make me feel better

The bleeding kept on for hours
They wouldn’t take me to the hospital
They wouldn’t waste their time on me
It was all my fault anyway

©2007

Survival of the Unseen

We are born to parents filled with hatred and anger
Born into a world of torture and abuse
Surely we must have done something wrong
To be so unwanted and unloved

The system comes to our rescue
We are sent to live in homes of strangers
We are told we would be safe and secure
But we soon find out we should not have trusted

We run away the first chance we have
To the only place we know we are safe
A place to where we are surrounded by others
Yet invisible to the many eyes that pass us by

We sleep under a bridge, in alleys, or on a park bench
Those that see us will only scowl at us
They think we are a burden on society
Not even worth a second glance or thought

We struggle each day just to open our eyes
The pain of hunger often overtakes the pain in our souls
We have little choice but to break the laws of the land
Just to get what we need to stay alive

More often than not we turn to drugs and alcohol
Whichever we can get our hands on the fastest
To try to rid ourselves of the pain so deep within
It is easier than learning to trust only to be hurt again

We will not have the chance to finish school
Or even attend college and university
We will not have the chance to make something of ourselves
Or to become a somebody with dreams to achieve

So next time you see us on the street
Remember you could be our last hope
A simple nod of your head or a quick smile
Could be our reason to survive yet another day

Who will be brave enough to reach out
And show that they care
Who will give us faith in humanity
And show us that trust can be real

©2007

Secrets

Secrets carried for many years
My soul hurt and tormented
My mind filled with clutter
Secrets waiting to be released

Unable to speak of it
Unable to write of it
Unable to release it
Unable to run from it

Where do I go
I have nowhere to turn
I have no one to trust
What do I do

Where is the happiness
Where is the light
Where is the strength
Where is my life

Secrets in my every waking moment
My life wounded and confined
My future filled with uncertainty
Secrets plaguing my every sleeping moment

©2007

Who I Am

I am who I am
If you don't like what you see
Then don't bother wasting your time with me

Money can buy me diamonds and gold
It can buy me fancy houses and cars
It can even buy me a circle of "friends"

But money won't buy me happiness or love
It will never buy me true friendship
And it certainly will never buy my way into Heaven

Why should I worry whether people see me as rich or poor
Why should I worry if I am seen shopping at the local Wal-mart
Only the ignorant will judge a book by its cover

I am who I am
If you don't like what you see
Then don't bother wasting your time with me

I don't pretend to be something that I am not
I have no need to impress anyone
Nor do I have anything to hide

I am always here for those who need a helping hand
Whether it is for an ear to listen or a shoulder to lean on
I treat people the way I wish to be treated

I live my life for God
I live my life for my family
I live my life for myself

I am who I am
If you don't like what you see
Then don't bother wasting your time with me

©2007

Unwanted

You brought me into this world
Your job was to raise me
And love me unconditionally
To teach me morals and values
The difference between right from wrong
To keep me protected from harm

You never really wanted me
You made that quite clear
You chose to keep your distance
And pretend nothing ever happened
You looked the other way
Like I was never there

You couldn't find it in your heart to accept me
Anything I did wasn't good enough for you
I was nothing but a failure in your eyes
You were never once proud of me
I begged you to tell me I wasn't really yours
That someone would come and get me

I tried at times to end my life
But God wouldn't let me die
I didn't know then He had plans for me
He gave me a loving family of my own
That I dreamed of for so many years
They will never wonder where they belong

You were wrong about me
I'm not the one who is a failure
My goal is to never be like you
It will be easy enough to achieve
And even though you never taught me
I know how to love unconditionally


©2006

Sibling Rivalry

We may look a lot like each other
But we are as different as we can be
Like we are from separate families

We were suppose to stick together
We should have been like friends
Standing side by side united as one

Horrible things have been said
Unspeakable things have been done
The damage cannot be reversed

Growing more distant as the days go by
Filled with such anger and hate
We are like enemies fighting a terrible war
We have brought new meaning to sibling rivalry

©2006

Shadows In The Night

Night is here once again
Fear overrides my sleep
It will keep me awake till dawn
When I can finally close my eyes

I welcome the darkness
It makes it easier to be unseen
I fear the echo of footsteps
It searches for where I might hide

When will it all end
This overwhelming fear of mine
I am exhausted and weary
I cannot go on

I know it is time to stop running
My weary soul must rest
It is time to face the shadows
That stalked me in the night


©2006

My sister, My friend

You are very different
So unlike the others
It's hard to believe that
You are even related to them

You have never judged me
Or pointed out my faults
You encourage me to be my best
Rather than beat me down

You are always there
With a listening ear
To help shoulder my burdens
And give me advice when asked

You are kind caring and thoughtful
With a true gift of compassion
I hope I can learn to be like you
I am proud to call you my sister my friend

©2006

My Blessed Children

Two Blessed children they are mine
Stubborn like their father
Looks from their mother
Oh how I thought all would be fine

Kids on a mission running with all their might
Visions of soaking in a hot tub now gone from my sight
Footsteps descend then they sit on the bottom stair
Pleading for a few more minutes they think that is fair

They've given up on their mission, they could not fight the sleep
I'm now in my hot tub and I cannot hear a peep
I watch and wait looking at the door
Filled with dread expecting them to come sliding across the floor


©2006

Motherhood

It is such a wonderful thing to watch you grow
Seeing your first smile to your first steps
Hearing your first giggle to your first words
Your first of everything is an endless joy

It broke my heart with your first scrape
And band-aids on both knees
It tore my heart with your first trip to the hospital
It made me feel so helpless to see you hurt

I never knew there could be such mixed feelings
Of happiness and helplessness all in one day
One minute I would be laughing at your antics
And the next rushing to your side to kiss away your hurts

But still motherhood is something I could never trade
There is no amount of money in this world to change my mind
If I had a chance to go back in time and pick another career
Without a doubt I would still choose Motherhood

©2006

Life

A feeling deep within my soul
And I just know
There is a new life within me
It wasn't planned
But yet its not unwanted
I rejoice for the miracle
I plan for the new addition
And prepare for its arrival
But I wake up and know it's gone
My heart is broken
And pain deep within my soul
It just wasn't meant to be
I never got to see its precious face
Or hold the tiny body in my arms
Each time it happened
A piece of my heart and soul
Forever disappeared with it
But my life goes on each time
I have been given another chance
Not once but twice
Each time I felt dread
That they were not meant to be
Thank you God for letting me keep them
They were never planned for
But there will never be any regret
They are my pride and joy,
My reason to get up every morning
Once again I have a feeling
Deep within my soul
What is meant to be with this one
I don't yet know
But a feeling of dread
Has set within me

©2006

Heaven

As I sit here and look up at the stars
I can't help but wonder
What does Heaven really look like

Are there mountains and valleys
trees and grass rivers and oceans
Are the animals as tame as can be

Or are there cities filled with houses
businesses and skyscrapers
Are the streets filled with people

I already know that in Heaven
There is no sickness pain or hate
But will it look like whatever our soul creates

I know one day I will finally see for myself
Just how wonderful our Heaven will be
So for now my soul will just have to dream

©2006

Friendships

We have many friends throughout our lives
but the ones that you can really trust
And can finally drop your defensive walls
The ones that you can share your secrets with
Are the hardest and rarest treasures of all

Friends can be crazy at times, but those are the best
They keep you on the phone till all hours of the night
Crying and laughing with you until you have no voice
When you feel you have no strength left and forget what you believe in
They lend you a shoulder to lean on and help you to uphold your faith

Friends can be in our life for a short time
Or they can be there for many years to come
No matter the length of time they are in your life
There is always a reason they have come
Though we may not always understand why

True friends are very few and far between
I've never told them just how much they mean to me
Or how they may have helped change me in some way
I've never told them the impact they have made in my life
Or that they will always have a special place in my heart

©2006

Free At Last

I was once a child so many years ago
My innocence was stolen from me
I would never be the same again
My mother didn't believe me
And too frightened to tell anyone else
I lived in fear and shame
My brain no longer thought like that of a child
My soul became an adult long before it's time
When others thought of what games they would play
I thought of what books that I could become a part of
When others were playing with Barbie dolls
I was soaring with eagles high in the sky
Riding wild horses through the untamed land
No one could catch me I was too fast
In my mind I was free at last

©2006

Fear of Remembering

I'm more terrified of you than anything else in this world
And I can't remember why
I remember the verbal and mental torment
But I know you did that to keep me too terrified from speaking out
Too terrified to remember anything else

I was an adult when I left my country, my home, my job
Everything I own, my family and my friends
You tried to find me, you wouldn't give up
You had your friends or whoever you hired to trick her
Into giving up the information of where I was hiding

She stood up to you for me and only then you stopped trying to find me
You knew she had a gift of knowing things that no other could know
You are scared of her, you think she might know what I can't remember
Why couldn't you just leave me alone to live my life
I despise you for who you are and what you did

©2006

Can the cycle be broken

Her brown curly hair and hazel eyes
She has a smile that melts my heart
With all my soul, I love her like no other
Her strong willed personality and stubborn attitude
Quick tempered and hard headed she doesn't like to listen
Nasty tantrums, loud screams, constant whining
Tempers flare quick to lose control
Suddenly shaking, aware of what almost happened
It came so close, barely able to stop
Feeling failure and deep shame
Unable to stop crying, unable to stop wondering
Can the cycle be broken?

©2005